In his book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, author Patrick Lencioni identifies the first dysfunction of teams as lack of trust.  When people are concerned that others might use what they say against them, then they stop talking.  This describes Lencioni’s second dysfunction of teams – fear of conflict. It is a very common situation.  When we talk with people they always tell us that they generally handle conflict by trying to avoid.  People don’t talk about their issues.  Communication dries up, and conflict festers.

So how to deal handle the twin factors of trust and conflict.  We suggest addressing trust first.  If it is lacking, the environment will not be ripe for effective communications.  Lencioni suggests addressing trust in part by helping people get to know one another as people.  Many people in workplace contexts have only a superficial knowledge of their colleagues.

Even simple exercises like having people sharing a unique fact about themselves can open things up.  It helps people recognize that the others in their group are people just like themselves.  We often open programs by having people pick a conflict quote among a number that we provide to them.  They share their favorite quote and tell why they like it.  Once again this exercise helps people get a better understanding of their colleagues and enables them to see the others as real people as opposed to just adversaries.

When working with teams we encourage team leaders to be willing to encourage open debate of issues by being vulnerable themselves.  If they are willing to share their thoughts and beliefs about issues, it can help encourage others to do the same.  This is particularly true, if they make it clear that their thoughts are not necessarily right and that it is important that everyone be heard.

When trust is high is becomes easier to share divergent thoughts and not be concerned that people will hold your thoughts against you.  Conversely, when trust is low people are very wary about sharing anything.  The best approach involves trying to prevent breaches of trust in the first place.  While trust cannot be legislated, it can be supported by the creation of norms that emphasize speaking directly to someone if you are upset with them and not talking behind people’s backs.

Even in the best of situations, breaches of trust will occur.  It is important that these breaches be addressed and efforts be made to rebuild trust.  We recommend Dennis and Michelle Reina’s book, Rebuilding Trust in the Workplace, as a great guide for doing this.  It is also critical to remember that while people may forgive once breach of trust they almost never forgive multiple breaches.

Imagine this scenario.  The leader of a project team is gung ho about the rollout of a new product, but several of his subordinates are not in favor of it.  Rather than being candid about their objections, they hold back and go along with their boss’s opinions.  Research on the project is conducted and data collected.  Unfortunately, the facts and figures aren’t as favorable as anticipated.  The leader doesn’t solicit information from his team for fear of hearing bad news, and his subordinates play down the real story, not wanting to put a damper on their boss’s enthusiasm.  The end result?  Plans proceed, and the project fails.

How often does this situation (or something similar) play out in your organization?  In the book Transparency:  How Leaders Create a Culture of Candor, Warren Bennis says that organizations “need candor the way the heart needs oxygen.”  Other commentators agree that candor is absolutely vital to an organization’s effectiveness.

Why is speaking in a candid, forthright way so difficult?  For some people, it’s a matter of being polite and not wanting to hurt others’ feelings.  For others, it’s the fear of being perceived in a negative way or the worry that being frank and telling the truth will result in harmful repercussions.  Maybe the person doesn’t feel comfortable with the resistance or emotions that often come along with being open and honest.  For whatever reason, though, it’s sometimes easier either to stay silent or take the “politically correct” approach and say what is expected rather than rocking the boat.

When organizations endorse practices and systems that discourage candid communication, the fallout can be seen in multiple ways:

• The environment is characterized by mistrust and fear.
• Innovation and creativity are stifled.
• Poor performance can be overlooked, and productivity declines.
• “Groupthink” becomes the norm.
• Office politics and game playing increase.

A recent survey by Fierce, Inc. (1,400 corporate executives, educators, and individual contributors across multiple industries) found a huge gap between desired behaviors and the reality of the workplace in the area of candor.  Ninety-nine percent of the respondents prefer a workplace in which people identify and discuss issues truthfully, but only 44% believe their organization has a candid environment.  The survey also showed that 70% of the respondents believe a lack of candor within their organization impacts the company’s ability to perform optimally.

In order to create a culture of candor in an organization, both leaders and the people who work under them need to support an environment of openness and trust.  Below are ways both groups can communicate more clearly and directly, even when addressing sensitive or contentious issues.

• Don’t just welcome openness; insist on it.  Leaders set the tone for the rest of the group, so if unsettling news or different points of view are greeted with an automatic smackdown, it only will ensure that the “conspiracy of silence,” as some people have called it, continues.  Leaders need to be curious, ask questions, and challenge old assumptions so that others feel “safe” to offer a contrasting view.  In the Fierce study mentioned earlier, 98% of respondents believe a leader’s decision-making process should include input from the people impacted by the decision, and 40% feel leaders and decision makers consistently fail to ask.

• Be aware of the barriers to communication in a hierarchy.  When organizations have rigid, hierarchical structures, opportunities for open and honest dialogue can be diminished because people may feel fearful or intimidated.  Leaders should ensure that the everyday “give and take” in communication is vibrant and ongoing.  Reducing the focus on power and status and redirecting efforts toward a common goal help make everyone feel as though they have something valuable to contribute.

• Model giving and receiving effective feedback.  Once again, the leader has a huge influence on the overall environment.  If the leader demonstrates by his own behavior that he is willing to listen, be open to new ideas, react non-defensively to constructive criticism, etc., it will go a long way in building mutual trust.

•  Be trustworthy yourself.  The connection between trust and candor cannot be overestimated.  Demonstrating integrity in your own behavior and communications is the first step.

• Be willing to say what you really think, not just what you think others want to hear.  There may be risks involved in being frank and direct, but unexplored differences of viewpoints can be very damaging to an organization.  Leaders are counting on people to talk to them straight, even when they might have to hear something unsettling.  Diverse points of view are essential to the decision making process; make sure yours is heard.

• Build conflict resolution skills.  A climate of candor may lead to increased conflict because issues and problems are brought the forefront.  The more effective you are at managing conflict, the more likely you’ll see the positive results of conflict such as increased creativity, collaboration, and productivity.

When team members are asked if they think that conflict is inevitable in team settings, they almost always answer – yes.  When they are asked whether their team has a process in place for managing this inevitable conflict, they usually answer – no.  As a result they often default to gut level instincts for managing conflict and almost always wind up with poor outcomes.  What’s a team to do?

In order to manage conflict effectively, team members need to be able to have open and honest discussion about their issues.  Creating an environment or climate where people are able to have this free flowing type of conversation becomes an essential element in addressing team conflict.  It can be a challenge but one that is worth the time and effort.

Elements of the Right Climate                                 

In their book, Building Conflict Competent Teams, authors Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan identified several components of creating the right climate for team conflict.  These include developing positive attitudes towards conflict, creating a sense of trust and safety, fostering behavioral integration, and enhancing team emotional intelligence.

People generally see conflict as something negative to be avoided.  This attitude can cause people to avoid dealing with conflicts which in turn usually results in them festering and growing over time.  When people are asked if they have ever had a positive outcome from conflict, they usually admit that they have and are able to name some of the elements that contributed to this outcome.  Helping people recognize the potential upsides of conflict is a first step in creating an effective climate.

When people are concerned about trust and when they that others might use what they say against them, communication naturally becomes more cautious and timid.  For teams that wish to manage conflict well, it is essential to establish a sense of mutual trust and psychological safety among team members.  It may be impossible to legislate trust but a team can certainly take steps to make sure that team members do not use what their colleagues say in retaliatory ways.  Breaches of trust need to be addressed immediately for people might forgive one breach but they will rarely, if ever, forgive a second one. When team members work closely together, share information, and focus on team reward systems, they develop a sense of “teamness.”  This process, which is called behavioral integration, helps team members sense that they are all in things together.  It enables them to give their teammates the benefit of the doubt when issues arise, which gives them more time to understand their differences and develop collaborative solutions.

Conflict is all about emotions.  In teams it is particularly important to manage emotions associated with conflict because unless they are addressed there is a significant chance of the negative emotions becoming contagious and affecting the well being of the whole team.  Marcia Hughes and James Terrell in The Emotionally Intelligent Team provide excellent approaches for measuring the emotional climate of a team.  While they lie beyond the scope of this article, the book also provides a number of helpful approaches for improving the emotional intelligence of the team which, in turn, can help the team weather bouts of conflicts more effectively.

The dictionary defines patience as “the state of bearing pain or trials without complaint; showing self-control; calm.”  In times of conflict or negotiation, exhibiting patience can have a powerful impact on the outcome.

Many conflicts start because of unfulfilled needs in the areas of control, recognition, affection, or respect.  It is common for people to react quickly and fiercely when faced with circumstances that seem to threaten these basic human needs.  Patience, though, often involves “not reacting,” at least not immediately, to an uncomfortable situation.  Giving yourself (and others) a little time during the process can greatly enhance the possibility of a successful resolution.

How are time and patience beneficial?  It takes time to do the following:

• Understand all the issues
• Know what the other person really wants
• Discuss alternative explanations
• Reflect on your own expectations and the reality of the situation
• “Cool down” your emotions
• Change your mind
• Allow for an apology or forgiveness

John Quincy Adams said, “Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.”  Could this be true for resolving conflicts?  Let’s look at specific tips for maintaining patience when all of your instincts push you toward an immediate reaction.

Don’t rush the process.

Offering simplistic answers and jumping to conclusions too early in the process can be irritating to people.  Allow time to really define the problem, and brainstorm creative alternatives.

Practice simple courtesies.

What kinds of behaviors do impatient people exhibit?  They look at their watches, interrupt, ask others to hurry up, tap their feet, don’t allow others to finish their thoughts, etc.  Be aware of these behaviors, and add a few seconds to your normal response time.  Be willing to pause before speaking; there is nothing wrong with a few moments of silence.

Listen. Listen. Listen.

Nothing leads faster to mutual understanding than when both people in a conflict truly focus on listening to each other.  Make a deliberate effort to temporarily suspend your own needs, and really tune into what the other person is saying.  Try not to concentrate on formulating your next thought, and control the urge to tell your side, interrupt, or argue.  Most importantly, demonstrate you are genuinely invested in the other person’s views by restating his/her positions in your own words.  Then ask the person to correct your understanding of his/her thoughts and feelings.  This acknowledgement should encourage the other person to respond in a reciprocal manner.

Know your own hot buttons.

You know the kinds of people with whom you struggle.  Think of calming tactics ahead of time when meeting with them.  Do your best to understand them without judging.  Don’t assume they mean harm by their words and actions.

Take breaks.

When discussions get particularly stressful, don’t be afraid to take a short break to calm your emotions and re-focus your energy.  These breaks may be an opportunity to reconsider options you were reluctant to adopt earlier in the heat of the moment.

Remain flexible and optimistic.

When a conflict is just beginning, both sides have a limited view of the whole picture.  As the process unfolds, new information is brought to light and viable solutions are discovered.  Try to validate and affirm the areas of agreement rather than totally focusing on the issues where there is disagreement.  Be willing to break the problem into smaller elements or reframe the issues to put them in the proper perspective.  Most of all, stay optimistic about the chances for success.  One of the biggest obstacles to conflict resolution is the belief that any particular conflict cannot be resolved.

Having confidence to resolve conflicts is an important part of the process.  There are myriad reasons why you might lack confidence when faced with a conflict:  fear, discomfort, previous negative encounters, lack of skill, knowledge, or experience, etc.  Let’s look at these issues and how they affect your ability to effectively manage conflict.

Recognize the signs of low self-confidence.  When you’re not confident about dealing with conflict, you tend to doubt your abilities, second-guess yourself, and be hesitant about trusting your own judgment.  You also might be pessimistic about a successful outcome which, in turn, gives you an excuse for not engaging in the first place.  Be aware of when these kinds of negative thoughts arise because they often can become a downward spiral, reinforcing your initial belief that you can’t do it.  Replace “I can’t do this,” with “This may be difficult, but I will try to do it.”

Don’t let fear lead to avoidance.  You may be like many people who dislike conflict because you’re afraid of it.  Perhaps your experiences with conflict in the past have not ended well, and so your tendency is to shy away, not engage the other person, or just plain avoid any kind of conversation or confrontation.  Most experts agree that avoiding conflict is one of the worst responses you can have because the possibility of resolution is completely cut off from the start, and, more often than not, the conflict will only get worse, not better.  One strategy to try is to start small and “work your way up” to a conflict with wider implications.  In other words, force yourself to initiate discussion about something small just to get practice for other, more significant conflicts that might be on the horizon.  “Practicing” in this way not only gets you out of your old pattern of avoiding, but it also builds confidence for the future as you begin to experience the positive results of working through a problem more collaboratively.

Prepare in advance.  So much of how a conflict is handled determines the outcome.  When do you choose to talk?  Where is the discussion held?  What words do you use to convey your message?  What tone do you use?  All of these are issues to think about ahead of time so that the conditions surrounding the conversation are conducive for a beneficial result.  Actually practice what you’re going to say either by yourself or, even better, role play the conversation with a trusted friend, coach, or colleague.  Then when you’re in the real conversation, you’re calmer, more relaxed, and better prepared to respond to any number of reactions from the other person.  Again, feeling prepared and in control leads to confidence.

Think through the consequences of not having the conversation.  Although it sometimes seems easier to avoid conflicts, there are all kinds of negative ramifications of not addressing the issue.  If you really analyze these drawbacks, you’ll probably be persuaded to take a different approach.  With non-action, the situation remains stagnant and nothing improves; even worse, it could steadily decline and become even more damaging over time.  Another disadvantage to not addressing the problem head-on is that you can become an easy target for people who are more aggressive or manipulative.  On the Conflict Dynamics Profile®, “Yielding” is considered a Destructive scale because, as with “Avoiding,” it is a response that fails to engage others directly in an effort to resolve conflict.

Keep emotions in check.  A lack of confidence in conflicts often generates strong feelings because your sense of security or need for respect or intimacy is threatened.  Your tendency might be to react very strongly or simply shut down.  It’s important to be in touch with your emotions and be able to notice when you’re getting heated.  Be careful of the words you use, try to get all the facts, and be respectful at all times.  Remember that dealing with emotions in a healthy way can lead to greater understanding and trust.

Develop skills in the conflict arena.  Nothing improves confidence like additional training.  Whether it’s reading a book on communications and practicing on your own or participating in a more formal training program, the more you learn, the more confident you’re going to feel.  “Stretch” yourself by setting goals that are challenging, but achievable.  Seek feedback on an ongoing basis so that you can continue to grow in your proficiency and self-awareness.

Celebrate your successes.  Though painful at times, the little steps you take in addressing conflicts provide a real opportunity for growth.  You will see that facing disagreements can strengthen, not damage, personal and professional relationships.  Recognizing the small achievements along the way helps motivate you to behave similarly the next time.

One of the passive destructive behaviors measured by the Conflict Dynamics Profile (CDP) instrument is called Self-Criticizing.  This occurs when one obsesses over something they may have said or done in a conflict.  The CDP measures how frequently a person uses this response to conflict.  A little reflection about how you handled a conflict can probably be helpful by enabling you to learn from your mistakes.  At the same time focusing on your mistakes by going over them time and again in your mind can sap your energy and prevent you from moving forward.  How can you find the right balance?

No one is able to handle conflict perfectly all of the time.  At times we all make mistakes, get angry, forget to consider the other person’s perspective, avoid talking with the other person, or say inconsiderate things.  We are human – it is natural. So, it can be very helpful to review your actions in conflict setting. Whenever you want to improve your performance in any situation it is helpful to assess or evaluate what you did and how well it worked.  When there are things that didn’t go well, you can identify them and work on improving the next time. In conflict there will always be a next time so you don’t have to worry about getting practice.

So a little bit of reflection can be quite helpful.  The problem comes when reflection turns into obsession.  Many people have a hard time letting go of conflict and moving on to new things.  Sometimes this comes in the form of being overly self-critical about how they jandles themselves in the conflict.  They may think over and over about something they said or something they forgot to do.  In effective, they beat themselves up about not managing a conflict well.  This can prolong the emotional distress related to the conflict.

Psychologists describe this process as rumination.  Cows and other animals that chew their food over and over and called ruminates.  People who in effect “chew” over their conflict performance time and again are ruminating on the issue.

Recent research by Kevin Ochsner at Columbia University (Ochsner, 2005) has shown that using reappraisal techniques can help lessen the distress of ruminative thinking.  Rather that focusing on all your mistakes, take a fresh look at th conflict interaction to see it in a bigger context.  What things did you do well?  How did the other person seem to react to your positive behaviors?  With respect to things that you believe you could have done better, in what ways would you improve your responses next time?  What strengths do you have that could support your use of more constructive approaches.

Taking a new look at the situation, one that emphasizes more positive interpretations of what happened and seeks to build improved responses in the future, rather than wallowing in perceived deficiencies in the past, will help you overcome overly self-critical thoughts.

When discussing organizational culture, people often talk in terms of task and relationships.  That is, how does the work get done around here?  How do we implement plans and evaluate performance?  How are relationships handled?  How do we motivate employees?  Task and relationships are important issues when considering the conflict culture of an organization as well.  The “How do we manage conflicts?” question affects everything from productivity to interpersonal interactions.  This article explores tips for cultivating a positive conflict culture.

Look beyond traditional views of organizational conflict.  Traditionally, organizations have viewed conflict as a negative force which needs to be eliminated by imposing more structure or uniformity.  Today, though, successful organizations are more likely to embrace diverging views, realizing that they can lead to increased creativity, opportunities to improve, and greater productivity.  Rather than eliminating conflict, the goal is to better manage the conflict that inevitably comes with the open exchange of ideas.

Establish ground rules.   Having a set of guidelines as to how you’re going to resolve differences is very beneficial.  An example might be “We listen to each other without interrupting.”  Publish these guidelines and post them in a visible spot in the office.  In their book, Building Conflict Competent Teams, Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan suggest eight simple steps to this process:

• Review the team’s mission and context.
• Discuss the desired climate.
• Brainstorm suggestions for creating the climate.
• Combine similar suggestions.
• Prioritize suggestions.
• Behaviorize the remaining suggestions.
• Record and distribute the list.
• Review and finalize agreements.

Be proactive.   One of the most damaging responses in the face of conflict is avoidance or some other form of non-action.  Nothing frustrates people more than when a conflict comes to light, and nothing is ever addressed.  Even worse, the conflict may be acknowledged, but “stalling” tactics such as collecting more data or saying “it’s under consideration” are used.  When problems arise, don’t wait to take tangible steps to resolve them, particularly if you are the boss.

Be aware of clues that conflict is not being managed well.  Many organizations struggle with ongoing issues that lead to conflict:  limited resources, constant change, multiple communication styles, etc.  What differentiates organizations, though, is how they manage these common problems.  When you start to see the effects of unresolved conflict on a continual basis such as reduced collaboration, low morale, frequent complaining/arguments, and lack of productivity, it is time to intervene before these responses become systemic.

Model positive conflict behaviors.  Of course it is essential that the senior executives in an organization model constructive behaviors when dealing with conflict because these people of influence set the tone for the entire organization, but it’s equally important that all employees buy into the “way we do things around here.”  Everything, including the daily routines, the rewards systems, the power structures, and the communication pathways, should reflect that differences are valued and respected here.  The Conflict Dynamics Profile®, an assessment tool that examines conflict behaviors, lists seven Constructive Behaviors scales that are critical for effective conflict resolution: Perspective Taking, Creating Solutions, Expressing Emotions, Reaching Out, Reflective Thinking, Delay Responding, and Adapting.  These kinds of constructive behaviors should be embraced throughout an organization.

Encourage humor.  With the ever increasing demands on today’s employees, work environments can be incredibly serious.  The chances of making mistakes or having a short fuse on any given day multiply.  Do your best to lighten things up when appropriate.  Having a little fun with your colleagues can foster connectivity and a common desire to work through tough issues amicably.