Preparing to Mediate a One-on-One Conflict Using the CDP

Mediate

As a Conflict Resolution consultant, you may be called upon to mediate a conflict between two colleagues/team members within an organization.  For those of you who are relatively new to mediation, we’ve outlined below a process to consider for this situation.

Step 1
Have both parties take the CDP 360 so that results will be available for later discussion.

Step 2
Plan a 45-minute to 1-hour meeting with each individual separately. This meeting is more of a fact finding/exploratory session where each person is encouraged to think about themselves and their own role in the conflict, about the other person and how they might perceive the conflict, and finally about the two of them together and what might be done differently in the future.

It is common for people to see the conflict from only one vantage point. They may want to use this time solely to vent or complain about the other person’s behavior, so it’s important to make sure plenty of time is allotted during this meeting for perspective taking of the other side’s perceptions. Your goal as the consultant is to elicit information from the parties and simply to listen to get a better understanding of the overall nature of the conflict.

Below are sample questions to prompt conversation about the three different areas:

Thinking About Yourself

  1. Describe the nature of the conflict from your perspective.

  2. What would you most like the other person to understand?

  3. What are some of the weaknesses or drawbacks to your position?

  4. What behaviors of the other person tend to trigger your frustration? Why is this so important to you?

  5. How do you want to be seen following the conflict conversation?

Thinking About the Other Person

  1. How might the other person view this conflict?

  2. How might the other person describe what it is like dealing with you?

  3. What aspects of the other person’s perspective seem reasonable to you?

  4. As you think about the perspective of the other person, what if anything seems different to you about the conflict?


Thinking About Both of You

  1. What areas do you have in common?

  2. How could you each behave differently to create a positive outcome?

  3. What kind of ongoing working relationship do you want to have with the other person?


Step 3
Plan a 1-hour to 1 ½-hour follow-up meeting with each individual where you give back the CDP Feedback Report and discuss implications of the feedback. After explaining the CDP scales but before giving the person their actual Feedback Report, ask them, “What CDP behaviors are most descriptive of you (both Constructive and Destructive)?” Then ask the person to put themselves in their conflict partner’s position---“From your conflict partner’s viewpoint, what would they say in answer to the same question about you?” Again, this encourages the person to engage in perspective taking and compels them to examine the actual feedback in a wider context.

Then it’s time to explore the Feedback Report. Discuss strengths and development areas, and make sure the person has a good understanding of key points. You might want to revisit their earlier predictions to see if the Feedback Report does, indeed, confirm their perceptions.

After thoroughly reviewing their feedback, now ask the person to switch gears a little bit and think about how they view their conflict partner’s strengths and development needs. What areas enhance communication between them? What areas are most troublesome?

Now that they are armed with new self-awareness, you can prepare them for the next step which is a joint meeting involving both parties. Explain how the next meeting will involve a lot of give-and-take communication, and invite them to share their perceptions with the other person. For some people, this might be the first time they’ve ever experienced such a conversation, so explore any apprehension or concerns they may have.


Step 4
The joint meeting should be at least 1 ½ hours in length. Start off the meeting by setting appropriate ground rules. Possibilities include:

  • Be respectful in their comments.

  • Hear each other out and don’t interrupt.

  • This can be a positive process where the goal is to improve relationships.

  • You (the consultant) are there solely to facilitate, but most of the interaction will be between the parties.

After setting the ground rules, have each person share their predictions about how the other person views them---“Here’s how I think you may have seen me.” “Is that in fact what you thought?” “Tell me more about why you view it like this.” This discussion establishes mutual vulnerability and then opens the door for more direct interaction later.

Next, ask each person, “What do you think you can share about yourself about what you’ve learned?” Between the previous discussion and the actual feedback results, the parties should be able at the point to open up a little, be more candid, and move toward resolution.

After sharing key learnings, you (the consultant) can say, “Ok, now that you have some new awareness, let’s have a conversation about the issues and what you need to do differently in the future.” Then you can make a statement of the issues, and remind them that you are just there to make sure the ground rules are followed. They are to do most of the talking.

Step 5
The final step is to get the key action steps from the discussion into writing so that each person has a copy and they can be re-visited periodically.

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